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Common English Errors

Full Transcript - Episode 20

 

Brazilian wine joy, and the hazards of injecting fungi and enjoying a few fun cake designs when no-one is looking...


PLUS Jay and Gee discuss common English linguistic errors and even throw in a few (cringeworthy) jokes.

J:  I would like to give a little bit (sic) of tips in the beginning about Instagram, because we are now up and running on Insta.

G: Hooray!

J: So...

G: Tell me what Instagram is again.

J: It’s a social media platform.

G: Oh, good. We can take over from Trump, because he’s been banned from all of his, hasn’t he?

J: He’s been banned from Twitter...I...and Facebook, and... well, basically social media he’s been banned from. I think Instagram not, though. He can still take photos of himself.

G: But we have not. We have not been banned?

J: No.

G: Good. Let’s use it!

J: No, we are just starting, which could be equally dangerous. I don’t know.


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G: Good afternoon, São Paulo.

J: Good afternoon, São Paulo!

G: And, Happy New Year!

J: Yes. Happy 2021. This is our first pod of 2021.

G: It is. Huzzah!

J: It’s actually also our pod number 20.

G: It’s also our twentieth pod, it is.

J: So, it’s kind of, like, an anniversary pod for us. I mean...

G: Yeah.

J: Kind of.

G: We got to twenty a little slower than we had probably anticipated.

J: Yeah, there was something called a pandemic that came through and kind of screwed up that just a little bit.

G: Yes.

J: But anyway, we’re here.

G: We are back and it’s a new year and everything is bright and today, actually tomorrow, is the last day of Donald Trump’s presidency!

J: Yaay!

G: Huzzah, huzzah! And, of course, one of the things I’m going to miss about Donald Trump is that we will no longer get to see the Baby Blimp. Do you remember the Baby Blimp?

J: No. I don’t even know what the Baby Blimp is. What’s that?

G: When he came to London...um...there was a bit of controversy, actually, because he wasn’t very welcome in London first time he came, and he doesn’t like the Mayor of London, whose name is Mr. Khan.

J: Ah, the Indian.

G: The Indian chap, yes.

J: Right.

G: And, you know, Donald Trump likes to pick fights with random people around the world...

J: Right, and...and specifically Muslims and minorities in the United States.

G: So, the...er...in protest at Trump’s visit, they created this enormous orange, angry baby with the Trump hairstyle, holding this...um...cell-phone...

J: I...I never saw this.

G: And they hung it over the Houses of Parliament!

J: Ah, we’ve gotta get a picture of that somewhere. I...I never saw that.

G: All six-point-one meters of it.

J: Fantastic.

G: It was a huge success, and now it’s being retired to the Museum of London, so...

J: Oh, that’s...

G: ...as Donald is gone, it’s no longer required, unfortunately.

J: Well, I will say, though, for...for our particular pod, he gave us a lot of really good things to talk about. I mean, if you think about all the stories that kind of involved him in one way or the other – that’s fantastic. We talked about Route 66. We had...er...the...the fact that Donald Trump is also...in English that can mean...er...farting.

G: That’s true, yes.

J: We...we talked about the golden toilet.

G: Goodness knows what the blimp was filled with, eh?

J: Yeah, lots of good stuff. So, we’re going to have to find something else to give us good material but...ok, in that sense, he’ll be missed.

G: I’ll be feeling safer, but...um...in some aspects it will be less fun, yes.

J: So, Gee, what do you have – or what do we have this week?

G: What do we have this week? Erm, this week we’re going to something a little different. We are going to talk about some common errors that we hear with English.

J: With English. And some funny errors as well.

G: And possibly some funny ones. And I imagine we are going to have some ‘What Caught My Eye’...

J: And so...so this week we will probably not have our guru, because it is kind of incorporated into our main message.

G: And maybe we’ll have something new at the end – a little surprise something at the end.

J: Oh, I like surprises.

G: So, let’s roll!

J: Let’s go!

   

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G: Brazilian wine sales – in 2020, as you may imagine, a lot of people spent more time at home than typically they would.

J: Right.

G: And – I don’t know about you but, um, – if you are like me, then probably you enjoy the odd bottle of wine or two and, apparently, I wasn’t alone. Um, there were others in Brazil also.

J: Well, I don’t know. I wasn’t with you. Were...were you alone? Does your wife know about this?

G: In my home, I was alone, yes.

J: Oh, ok.

G: Because I was self-isolating. But I was not alone in the habit of actually drinking more wine. Well, apparently, in Brazil, last year wine sales were up by 31%.

J: That’s great!

G: Um, they were up from 500 million liters...sorry, they were up to 500 million liters from the previous year’s total of 385 million liters.

J: Well, that...that’s good for all the wine growers in the South.

G: And, even better, Brazilian wines also increased their market share because, um, with the dollar being so high...

J: Right. The..they became very expensive.

G: ...erm...they became a bit more appealing in terms of price-benefit.

J: Right.

G: And...um...they got a 3% increase in market share. So, erm, the wine in Brazil is actually looking up. Um, obviously the main consumption was during the winter time, as you’d expect, and we are now up to an average of 2.78 liters per person per year.

J: 2.7...2.87 liters of wine per person per year?

G: Per person in Brazil. So, it’s actually not very much compared to what I drink, anyway. If you compare that to Portugal, for example, they drink 62 liters per person.

J: Holy cats! Seriously?

G: So, they drink...um, yeah...they drink, basically, 30 bottles for every bottle we drink here.

J: They’re just guzzling that stuff down, aren’t they?

G: That’s even more than France, cos France is only 50 liters per person.

J: Fifty? Wow.

G: And the Argentinians are 25, so the Argentinians obviously enjoy their wine quite a bit more but then they live in a colder country, don’t they?

J: Right.

G: So, we don’t have the same profile, because wine is typically a drink you drink in the winter time, isn’t it?

J: Right. In kind of colder climates, it seems. Al...although in Argentina, I did have a couple of wines that were with ice. They...they made like a clerico or a sangria, which is basically either a red or white wine with some fruits and...er...a little bit of...er...ice.

G: So, um, yeah, we’re all drinking more wine and...um...that can only be a good thing!

J: Wow. Great!

G: So, Jay, what caught your eye this week?

J: So, I’m going to talk a little bit about mushrooms!

G: Mushrooms?

J: Yes.

G: Magic or otherwise?

J: Both!

G: Both?

J: Both. So...er...if you go to the supermarket or if you go to the Japanese market, probably you will encounter a very limited number of mushrooms.

G: Really? I didn’t know.

J: Well, basically, we’re here...it...it seems like what I encounter is basically only shitake and shimeji.

G: You don’t like those, no?

J: No, I like...I like them. They’re actually quite good, but that doesn’t really give...er...a good picture of the total offer of mushrooms that are in the world. Because mushrooms in Brazil and in the world, they’re...they’re just fantastic things.

G: But is...a...is there a shortage?

J: There’s not a shortage of mushrooms. I think there’s a shortage of knowledge of how to use the mushrooms.

G: Ah, ok. So, why are there no...none in the supermarkets, locally?

J: Well, I think people just aren’t...don’t have the habit locally, in Brazil, of eating mushrooms.

G: Ah. That’s what it is. Well, I buy them every week. So, I’m doing my bit.

J: You’re doing your bit, thanks, to...to keep the global ecosystem quite healthy. Let me explain a little bit. What is a magic mushroom? Gee, do you know?

G: I’ve never had a magic mushroom. Erm...rumor has it they are hallucinogenic and they have properties akin to LSD. Which is...um...

J: Right. Well, there...there’s actually... That’s a very interesting subject because some people say that they are similar to LSD in the...in the...in the sense that it, let’s say, kind of transports you to a different place. Those are the psilocybin mushrooms.

G: Ok.

J: So, very specific, within the mushroom genre that’s a very specific kind of thing.

G: I’m talking to a mushroom expert here, I can see.

J: No...no, I’m not a mushroom expert. I’ve done some research on the topic.

G: Yes! I’m sure you’ve done some hands-on research, yes!

J: I did live in Holland for a while, so...

G: Ah, that’s true, yes.

J: Yeah, you never know. Anyway...um...but it seems that they also have...mushrooms have a lot of health benefits. However, they also have negative health benefits!

G: Ok.

J: Meaning you can actually die from them if you do them incorrectly.

G: So, negative benefits, are they like...um...unknown knowns, and known unknowns and...?

J: Exactly, yes! You understand. There’s the known unknowns that...er, thinking about Donald Rumsfeld.

G: We need Donald Rumsfeld on here to explain these, I think, yes.

J: Yes, we do. In this particular case, erm, in the United States there was a thirty-year-old, thirty-year-old male...

G: Yes.

J: And he was a little bit bipolar.

G: Ok.

J: So, he was taking the magic mushrooms to help relieve him of this (sic) bipolar symptoms or disorder that he has but what happened was, like...because he’s an American and Americans kind of do crazy things.

G: Yes.

J: He decided he wanted to inject the magic mushrooms directly into his blood!

G: Oh dear.

J: And he nearly died. So, what happened? So, when he injected the fungus into his blood, you have to re...realize that fungi don’t really care if they are underwater or not. They can survive – they can grow in...in...in a closed environment. They don’t need oxygen. And it seems that in blood, they do, actually, very well. And they were starting to grow. The mycelium – the roots of the mushrooms – were starting to grow and it was starting to shut down all of his organs.

G: Oh dear. That’s not good at all! That wasn’t the plan.

J: Yeah. So, the guy very nearly killed himself. And this was in the very liberal state of Nebraska. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Nebraska but that’s probably the most...one of the most conservative states in the United States.

G: Ah. No, I haven’t actually. I would struggle to place Nebraska on a map. I know it’s somewhere close to Canada, probably but...

J: It’s...yeah...it’s kind of in the north...middle...a little bit to the left and it’s...it’s cold.

G: Yes. So...

J: Not a lot of people go there! Anyway, so, he was trying to self-treat himself for anxiety and depression with the psilocybin mushrooms.

G: Ok.

J: Which can have some good health benefits, but not if you inject it into your blood because then the mushrooms can grow and you can die.

G: So, then they were growing in all of his organs and he was turning into a...a fungal...being I guess?

J: He was turning into a psychedelic mushroom himself.

G: Yes.

J: That’s basically it.

G: And then they saved him, somehow?

J: Yeah. Somehow they killed the mycelium. I don’t know exactly what they did.

G: Probably gave him a pill. That’s what they usually do.

J: He survived!

G: So, top tips of what not to do when you have got bipolar problems.

J: With magic mushrooms, yes. So, Gee, what...what do you have for us this week?

G: Well, I’ve got a story that relates a little bit to your story a few weeks ago in Finland. Do you remember your cake story?

J: Oh, the toilet-paper cake story, yes! I remember that.

G: Exactly, and it also ties into something that we were talking about recently about women’s rights, and touching dead bodies and...

J: So, women’s rights to use toilet paper?

G: Well, let me explain.

J: Oh. Ok, I’m curious now.

G: So, in Egypt – we’re going to Egypt now.

J: Ok. Let’s got to Egypt.

G: In Egypt, there is a club called the Gezira Sports Club.

J: Ok. What kind of sports do they do?

G: Well, it’s one of those sort of social clubs, actually.

J: Oh, ok – so kind of those like...similar to like the...I don’t know. What do they actually do at these social clubs?

G: A bit like the athletic clubs you have here.

J: Ok. Ok.

G: So, you got...you got sports you can play. You can go there for afternoon tea. It’s all very, um, traditional. It was established by the British army during the nineteenth century.

J: Right. So, it’s very traditional, very respected?

G: And it’s a very exclusive club, yes.

J: Of course it’s exclusive! Has to be.

G: Yes. So, erm, anyhow, on this occasion there was a little group of ladies – about 12 ladies in their fifties and sixties – and they were gonna have their afternoon tea, or whatever they do. And they ordered some cakes, and some pastries.

J: Ok. So, kind of, like, an English-style club?

G: It is. It is very...very civilized cos it was introduced by the English.

J: Because they...they were colonized – well, not colonized – they were, let’s say, ‘taken over’ by the English for a while, weren’t they?

G: No, they were, kind of, colonized by the British for a while, yeah. So, um, anyhow, so their...their cakes arrived and they were absolutely delighted to discover that all their cakes and pastries were shaped in the form of genitalia – male and female genitalia!

J: And this was what – something that they wanted?

G: Um, no. Actually, they didn’t order these. It was actually designed for a la... a group of bachelorettes who...um...should have received these cakes. But the...the ladies were so delighted, they took lots of pictures and they put them on social media and it didn’t go down very well.

J: I can imagine their husbands weren’t exactly appreciative of this.

G: Well, I don’t know about their husbands but the government didn’t like it very much.

J: The government!?

G: No. The government does not approve of...um...that type of behavior, especially being on social media.

J: By...you...there was just a cake and a pastry and stuff like that, and a...er...

G: They called it ‘an assault on the value system and a crude abuse of society.’

J: Oh, my god. So...so, the...the women were charged with crimes, or something?

G: Well, the baker has been arrested. She has been released on bail of about $320.

J: So, it was...it was a female baker?

G: It was a female baker, as well, which just made things worse, of course.

J: Sounds like she might have been a frustrated baker.

G: And, the ladies, the dear old ladies in their fifties and sixties – well, they are not that old, I guess – fifties and sixties...erm...

J: Right.

G: ...they could also be prosecuted too, by the government.

J: Oh, my goodness.

G: So, the ministry of sport has been asked to investigate. They will carry out a full investigation. They are going to investigate the club, and how it could happen that these cakes could be delivered to the club – and it’s become a big thing, of course, you know...cos...

J: I guess.

G: We can’t possibly have ladies, you know, enjoying cakes with sexual organs on them, so...um...no, th...then we gotta put a stop to that straightaway.

J: Well, I g...guess, that’s certainly kind of a...a festive occasion you’ll...they’ll never forget.

G: Exactly. So, um, that brightened up their day and has caused a bit of a stir cos actually, as you probably know, it’s quite a conservative sort of place, Egypt.

J: Sure. Sure.

G: And on our list of things that women can and cannot do, erm, enjoying lewd cakes is clearly something that is not permitted.


End of part 1    

   

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J: Ok, for our next section, er, we kind of had the idea to do something a little bit different. It ties into what we have seen on Instagram, where...er...a lot of people are, let’s say, looking for some simple tips. 

G: We’re on Instagram, by the way!

J: We are on Insta, yes.

G: And we’re excited!

J: Yes, so...

G: So, what did you see on Instagram?

J: A lot of people are very curious. They want the small little tips that will help them with one particular thing in their grammar.

G: Things like not needing to say ‘small’ and ‘little’ in the same sentence?

J: Ah, yes – small little tips like that. Lovely. So, Gee, what....what do you have?

G: Erm, I have a common expression that I sometimes hear, which is...erm...when people describe they went away or they went to a restaurant, and they say to me...er... “We were in three.”

J: We? We were in three, yes!

G: Yes.

J: Meaning, they sh...should....they should have said – “There were three of us.”

G: There were three of us. Which, um, leads us to an interesting topic, which is, in English, we have something which is kind of known as an impersonal subject.  Cos, in Portuguese, you can just start sentences with verbs and not have a subject. And...erm...in English you can’t do that. You have to have a subject even when there isn’t one.

J: Right.

G: And, typically, we use a word like ‘it’ or ‘there’. For another example, for example, they might just say – “Is raining?”

J: And...and it should be it’s raining.

G: Or ‘is it raining?’, yes. It’s raining or is it raining? So, we need the invisible subject, cos, um, that’s kind of important in the...

J: Yes.

G: We don’t have such a thing as the sujeito oculto in English.

J: Right, s...something that I would – let’s say a simple fix – I mean, it doesn’t fix everything but it in most of the cases it fixes it – is I try to tell my students...er...in simple sentences, in English, you always need a subject.

G: Exactly.

J: And then...then if you think about that – ‘ok, I need a subject.’ And...and if you don’t know what it is, it is probably ‘it’.

G: Or ‘there’.

J: Or ‘there’.

G: ‘There were 60 people at the party.’

J: And then that solves most of your problems.

G: There it does.

J: Ok. I...I have one that’s a little more humorous, and I’m sure – absolutely sure – that one of your students has said this to you. Erm, you might be talking about work, or homework, that you have given the person.

G: Yes.

J: And they say...er...something like, ‘I have been reading this sh*t, that you gave me’.

G: That sounds like a pronunciation, unless they’re very annoyed with you, of course.

J: Yes, ‘I have been reading the sh*t you gave me’. So, in this case, it’s a pronunciation error.

G: It’s even worse when you spread sh*t, no? You don’t wanna be spreading sh*t, do you?

J: Yes..yes...but they really mean sheet.

G: Yes.

J: ‘I have been reading the sheet you gave me.’

G: Exactly. Sh*t or sheet. Chip or chip...cheap.

J: Yes.

G: She...sheep...oh, I can’t even say it! Ship or sheep.

J: No. Have you ever heard anybody say...now when I say this, I’ll try to do my...my best impression of a student saying this.

G: Alright!

J: Ok? So...

G: Is it a female student?

J: How did you know that?!

G: I...I wanna hear your female voice, that’s all – your female impersonation!

J: No, I’m not gonna do a female voice. I..that’s...oh, no...

G: And sing Happy Birthday at the same time.

J: Well, let’s say somebody says...erm...to you – ‘I brush my t*ts every morning.’

G: Oh dear! No. I have never had anybody say that to me. That’s not good!

J: When it should be – ‘I brush my teeth every morning.’

G: Yes.

J: Not your t*ts, because then you’re...that’s very strange! Especially, if you’re a woman.

G: No, you shouldn’t be telling people about rubbing your mammaries, no.

J: No, no. In Portuguese, what would that be? A good translation for that.

G: What, in...into Portuguese?

J: Yes.

G: Erm...well, I’m not even sure I ever – eu escovo os...o peito todo dia!

J: Eu acaressa minha peita todo dia. I don’t know. Ok. Something like that. Erm, that’s kind of a humorous one because you are not going to be brushing your t*ts, you are going to be brushing your teeth.

G: Er, yeah, I hope so. I don’t want to know what goes on, otherwise, but...erm...no, I’ve...I haven’t got anything to match that. Mine’s much more boring.

J: Ok.

G: Erm, ‘I have a son with 15 years old.’

J: Yes, I hear this all the time. ‘I have a son who is 15 years old.’

G: Exactly. We must always use the verb ‘to be’ when we’re describing the age, no?

J: Yes. Ok, I have another one that’s a little bit...a little bit humorous.

G: Something even more vulgar than the last one, no?

J: Ah...well, yeah. I wasn’t gonna say that but it is. What would you say to someone that says, ‘I live in a condom’?

G: You live in a condom? Er, yeah, that’s a great one. I...I have heard that before, actually. That’s brilliant. You live in a bubble, in that case, I think.

J: If you live in a condom, yes. Eu moro num (sic) caminisinha.

G: Camisinha, yes.

J: No, I wouldn’t want to live in a camisinha, no.

G: No, especially a used one!

J: No.

G: I’ve heard...I’ve heard São Paulo called some things but calling it a used condom is definitely not what I want to associate with!

J: No. Erm, so, I have another one. No, a common...it’s...it’s common!

G: Ok. It’s not condom?

J: No, it’s not condom. Erm, maybe somebody wants to say something and they want to do comparative language. And they might say something like, ‘in my opinion...’ – Er, I’m not saying this is my opinion...er...Jay, but in the opinion of the student, er – ‘Claudia Leite is not so good as Ivete Sangalo.’

G: Ah, yes.

J: Ok. Now, the particular problem in this one is it’s a comparative language.

G: It is.

J: In comparing things you...you need...er...is ‘not as good as’.

G: Exactly.

J: You need to, kind of, sandwich that...that particular...er...description between ‘as’.

G: That’s true. Very good.

J: Ok. Erm, do you have anything...er...humorous, or common or...

G: Erm, another common one I have. Erm, is ‘how many time you live in Brazil?’ Or a variant of that is – ‘how long time are you in Brazil?’

J: How long are...have you been.

G: Have you been.

J: Yes.

G: There we go. So, in this case, it started in the past, it continued to the present and it is still true. So, we have to use the present perfect.

J: There you go.

G: What else you got? You got anything else amusing?

J: I did, actually you’ve stolen a couple of mine that I had here, so...I had to change.

G: Wow. Well, they are so common. That’s the problem. You hear them so often it...it’s impossible not to have the same.

J: Well, here’s one. Erm, may...this is a mistake that’s related to food. Er, you might have heard somebody say does pão de quiejo exist in English?

G: Ah, ok. I have had that question a lot, actually.

J: Yes, there’s...

G: Surprisingly.

J: And that...that’s quite common. So, in that particular case...erm...there’s a couple of problems with that. First of all, no, we do not have pão de quiejo in English. That...that’s something that is a local food that you cannot translate.

G: And this is something my wife always translates as ‘bread cheese’ actually which, of course, is incorrect cos it is not a type of cheese it is a type of bread but I...I allow her to call it bread cheese cos it’s cute, you know?

J: It....it’s funny. Er, it could either (sic) be ‘cheese bread’ but cheese bread doesn’t really work that well, either, because that’s not something that I’ve ever seen in the supermarket in the United States.

G: No. No, we don’t really have cheese bread, no.

J: We don’t have cheese bread.

G: No.

J: And also, a second problem is they are using ‘exist’. So, instead of saying, er...‘ do you have pão de quiejo’ in English, you say eh...existe existe isso? That...that’s a false cognitive, I’d say.

G: Yeah. That...that...that’s fair. I would say that’s true.

J: So, er, Gee, do you have more example?

G: I got a couple of other things that I often hear. Er, sometimes you hear a...er...someone say to you – ‘I pretend to buy a new car this year.’

J: Ah, I intend.

G: Yes.

J: It’s not something you’re pretending to do. You pretend to be – I don’t know – you could...an actor pretends to be a different person.

G: Exactly.

J: But...er...something wh...where your intentions...that....that...that’s also, I would say...that’s, er...close to a false cognitive, as well.

G: It is a false cognate. There are lots of examples of false cognates, and that is one.

J: Nice. Er, I have one. It’s, well, let me just say it. ‘I will do my master.’

G: Ok.

J: What’s wrong with this, if you want to do your master?

G: Well, do in your master, you’re going to kill him, but, um, yes. Um, well, personally, I would say masters, if we are talking about a degree, so.

J: Yes, masters. Or, let’s say, at least in the United States – I don’t know about England – but if you talk about ‘doing’ somebody, that has, let’s say, a little bit more sexual connotation to it.

G: Hm, yeah.

J: Not doing in.

G: Not so much in the UK, I don’t think, no.

J: Yeah, doing in somebody – that’s killing.

G: Yes.

J: That’s the same in both countries. But doing somebody, that’s, yeah, let’s say...

G: We...we could probably have a whole pod on...um...sexual innuendo-type verbs, and there, yes, there’s lots of material there.

J: Well, maybe we should, by the way.

G: Well, that’s, let’s see. If that’s what people want, then...

J: Ok.

G: Um, what else we got? Another ‘false friend’, as they call them sometimes is – ‘The new job will pay more than my actual one.’

J: Oh. Ok.

G: What’s the problem there?

J: The problem is you’re not earning enough!

G: Yes. Well, I will be earning more.

J: The...the new job will pay more than the old one.

G: Or my current one, even.

J: My current one is probably a little bit better. But, you know, the funny thing is, some...some of these things I’ve heard so often, I’ve almost forgot (sic) that they’re mistakes.

G: I noticed!

J: Some things...some things you just learn to live with. It’s funny.

G: Unfortunately, the...the other thing is, I do find myself occasionally...um...using sort of...um...Portuguese versions of English in my English, you know.

J: Yeah.

G: Um, ano...another common confusion is – if I pass you my phone, vou emprestar para você.

J: Oh, I’ll...I’ll lend you my phone.

G: I’ll lend you. So, I will lend to you and you will do what?

J: So, I...I...so, I will borrow your phone.

G: You’re gonna borrow my phone, right.

J: Yes.

G: And that confuses a lot of people because it’s the same word in Portuguese.

J:  Right, because in Portuguese it’s the same verb. In English we have two different verbs, depending on who is receiving and who is giving.

G: Exactly.

J: And another...another problem associated with that is somebo...sometimes people will say, ‘I...I borrow you’.

G: Yeah, my I borrow. We could say that. May I borrow you for a second?

J: So...so meaning may...may I actually take you and use you for a while.

G: Yes.

J: That...that could actually be related to doing somebody, I suppose but...!

G: Exactly. Could be. Maybe. The mind boggles. Alright, last one. Um, ‘remember me to call my wife later.’

J: Ah, yes, this is a classic. This is a classic. Remind me.

G: Remind me. What’s the difference?

J: Remind requires a third party. It requires somebody else to remind another person.

G: Ok.

J: Whereas remember, that’s something you can...you can do for...to yourself. You remember something. It kind of pops up in your head automatically.

G: So, in this context, remind is about the future, and remember is about the past, isn’t it?

J: In that case, yes. Hadn’t thought of it like that. That’s a good tip.


End of part 2   

   

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G: So, seeing as we’ve, um, just had a very extended Guru, essentially, we’re not gonna have a Guru formally this week, we’re gonna do something a little bit different.

J: Ok, what’s...what’s your...what’s the...

G: W...well, one thing about languages that’s really tough is humor. Because one thing I learned when I came to Brazil is the last thing I actually understood here was jokes.

J: Do you understand the jokes now?

G: Even now it’s a struggle sometimes! You’d understand everything and then they’d get to the last line and the...then everyone else is laughing. So, I thought, for a bit of fun, we will throw in a few English jokes.

J: Ok.

G: And see if people get them. See if you get them. See if they are funny. I don’t know.

J: Ok. I don’t know. Let’s try it.

G: So, a man goes to see his doctor and he says, “Doc, you need to help me. I’m addicted to Twitter.” And the doc replies – “I’m sorry, I don’t follow you.”

J: That’s good. I like that one. ‘I don’t follow you.’ Yeah. Ok. Follow the guy on Twitter, good.

G: Alright. Here’s another one. A guy goes to his yoga instructor and says...um... “Can you teach me how to do the splits?” And she says, “Well, are you flexible?” And he says, “Well, I can’t do Tuesdays.”

J: Ok, that’s good. That’s good.

G: What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?    

J: The Buddhist to the hotdog vendor?

G: Yes.

J: I have no idea.

G: “Make me one with everything.”

J: Oh, there we go. That’s nice.

G: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

J: Leaving!

G: Oh no!

J: I don’t know. What? What?

G: I don’t know but the flag’s a big plus.

J: I like that.

G: What do you call a pony with a cough?

J: Er...wait a minute, I should...I should know this one. I...I don’t know. No.

G: A little hoarse.

J: A little hoarse. Yeah. I knew...I knew there was something in that but I couldn’t of it. I was, like, eeuuughh! Ok. Good one.

G: Erm, why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the ba...bathroom?

J: Cos he’s extinct? I don’t know.

G: Because the pee is silent.

J: That’s true! That...that...now that...now that’s a very good also pronunciation...er...tip.

G: That’s a linguistic joke, yes.

J: That...that’s a funny one. Ok.

G: What...what did the pirate say when he turned eighty?

J: Er... “har!’...I don’t know. What?

G: Aye-aye matey. [I’m eighty]. Ah, that’s terrible. That’s probably the worst one, actually.

J: Yeah.

G: Anyway, that’s a little selection that I found on the internet, just to try and see if anybody could possibly understand any of those.

J: Ok. Erm...actually that does remind me of some jokes. Hang on. Ok. I...I have a couple of jokes also!

G: Oh wow!

J: I...I...I have...

G: I’m gonna get under the covers. Mine were all clean, notice!

J: No, the...the...these...these are relatively clean but...well, yeah they’re clean. Erm...

G: I’m laughing already.

J: Er...so...er...and these are all, like, ‘what do you call?’ jokes.

G: Alright.

J: I don’t know if you know these?

G: Yeah, yeah, they sound familiar.

J: Ok. So, what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs...er...floating in a tub of water?

G: Buoy!

J: Buoy, or Bob!

G: Or Bob!

J: Good. What do you call – here’s another one – what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs sitting in front of your door? Or laying in front of your door?

G: Laying in front of your door...erm...I don’t know.

J: Matt!

G: Matt! Of course! Yes.

J: So, there was a...there’s a plane flying overhead and then there was a plane crash and three people jump out of the airplane.

G: Before or afterwards?

J: Before, with parachutes.

G: Ah.

J: And they only had enough time to get one particular item that was on that airplane. Right? So, there...there’s an American up there and he’s like – “Oh, I gotta get something.” And so he grabs a...a piece of food.

G: Ok.

J: Right? Beef jerky. And he jumps out of the airplane with his parachute and he’s going down. And then...then there’s also a Brazilian guy, and he...he’s up in the plane and he’s looking around for something and he jumps out and he grabs a bottle of water. And there’s also a Portuguese guy on the plane.

G: Oh dear.

J: And he’s looking around and he...he grabs this car door and jumps out of the airplane with a car door. Ok? So, they all land and they...they...they gather up their parachutes and they...they, kind of, come together to see how they can help each other because they are in the middle of the desert and it’s really, really, really hot. The middle of the Sahara.

G: Wow.

J: So, the American says, “Yeah, I grabbed some food, some beef jerky, here, because if we get hungry, well, we have something to eat.”

G: Good.

J: And the Brazilian guy says, “Well, I...I was thinking the same thing. I brought water. So, if...if...if we need water, we can drink some water.” And the Portuguese guy says, “Well, of course, me too! I was thinking the same thing. If it gets hot, I can just roll down the car window and we can cool off!”

G: Excellent! Very good.     

J: Oh, terrible Portuguese joke. Anyway...

G: Yes.


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J: Ok, so I think that, pretty much...er...wraps up another...another Samba Buzz.

G: That’s the end of episode 20.

J: And that...that’s our mini-anniversary.

G: Our mini-anniversary, yes.

J: Anyway, so...er...if you want to reach out and ...er...write to us, please contact us at...

G: mailbox@thesambabuzz.com  Um, and there’s also a form on our website. You can contact us if you want to give us suggestions or would like to appear on the pod...

J: Yeah.

G: ...and volunteer. Please do.

J: And if that is just too much work, please follow us on Instagram.

G: Yes.

J: Give us some of your input. We always need input from the listeners about what kinds of content or special things that you would like to see and we will make a point to do something to accommodate you.

G: Exactly. And I am going to open my own Instagram account so I can follow myself.

J: You’ve been threatening me with that for several weeks, now.

G: Yes.

J: Ok, so, bye-bye everybody. Happy Hanukkah. Have a nice 2021.

G: Hanukkah? What’s that?

J: Er, I think Hanukkah is a long time ago. I missed that, anyway.

G: Ah, alright. Is it Chinese...? It must be Chinese new year! Happy Chinese New Year!

J: Happy Chinese New Year to you too. Hung far low!

G: See you next time!

J: Bye-bye!


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                                                                                          THE END