Common English Errors

J: Ok, for our next section, er, we kind of had the idea to do something a little bit different. It ties into what we have seen on Instagram, where...er...a lot of people are, let’s say, looking for some simple tips. 

G: We’re on Instagram, by the way!

J: We are on Insta, yes.

G: And we’re excited!

J: Yes, so...

G: So, what did you see on Instagram?

J: A lot of people are very curious. They want the small little tips that will help them with one particular thing in their grammar.

G: Things like not needing to say ‘small’ and ‘little’ in the same sentence?

J: Ah, yes – small little tips like that. Lovely. So, Gee, what....what do you have?

G: Erm, I have a common expression that I sometimes hear, which is...erm...when people describe they went away or they went to a restaurant, and they say to me...er... “We were in three.”

J: We? We were in three, yes!

G: Yes.

J: Meaning, they sh...should....they should have said – “There were three of us.”

G: There were three of us. Which, um, leads us to an interesting topic, which is, in English, we have something which is kind of known as an impersonal subject.  Cos, in Portuguese, you can just start sentences with verbs and not have a subject. And...erm...in English you can’t do that. You have to have a subject even when there isn’t one.

J: Right.

G: And, typically, we use a word like ‘it’ or ‘there’. For another example, for example, they might just say – “Is raining?”

J: And...and it should be it’s raining.

G: Or ‘is it raining?’, yes. It’s raining or is it raining? So, we need the invisible subject, cos, um, that’s kind of important in the...

J: Yes.

G: We don’t have such a thing as the sujeito oculto in English.

J: Right, s...something that I would – let’s say a simple fix – I mean, it doesn’t fix everything but it in most of the cases it fixes it – is I try to tell my students...er...in simple sentences, in English, you always need a subject.

G: Exactly.

J: And then...then if you think about that – ‘ok, I need a subject.’ And...and if you don’t know what it is, it is probably ‘it’.

G: Or ‘there’.

J: Or ‘there’.

G: ‘There were 60 people at the party.’

J: And then that solves most of your problems.

G: There it does.

J: Ok. I...I have one that’s a little more humorous, and I’m sure – absolutely sure – that one of your students has said this to you. Erm, you might be talking about work, or homework, that you have given the person.

G: Yes.

J: And they say...er...something like, ‘I have been reading this sh*t, that you gave me’.

G: That sounds like a pronunciation, unless they’re very annoyed with you, of course.

J: Yes, ‘I have been reading the sh*t you gave me’. So, in this case, it’s a pronunciation error.

G: It’s even worse when you spread sh*t, no? You don’t wanna be spreading sh*t, do you?

J: Yes..yes...but they really mean sheet.

G: Yes.

J: ‘I have been reading the sheet you gave me.’

G: Exactly. Sh*t or sheet. Chip or chip...cheap.

J: Yes.

G: She...sheep...oh, I can’t even say it! Ship or sheep.

J: No. Have you ever heard anybody say...now when I say this, I’ll try to do my...my best impression of a student saying this.

G: Alright!

J: Ok? So...

G: Is it a female student?

J: How did you know that?!

G: I...I wanna hear your female voice, that’s all – your female impersonation!

J: No, I’m not gonna do a female voice. I..that’s...oh, no...

G: And sing Happy Birthday at the same time.

J: Well, let’s say somebody says...erm...to you – ‘I brush my t*ts every morning.’

G: Oh dear! No. I have never had anybody say that to me. That’s not good!

J: When it should be – ‘I brush my teeth every morning.’

G: Yes.

J: Not your t*ts, because then you’re...that’s very strange! Especially, if you’re a woman.

G: No, you shouldn’t be telling people about rubbing your mammaries, no.

J: No, no. In Portuguese, what would that be? A good translation for that.

G: What, in...into Portuguese?

J: Yes.

G: Erm...well, I’m not even sure I ever – eu escovo os...o peito todo dia!

J: Eu acaressa minha peita todo dia. I don’t know. Ok. Something like that. Erm, that’s kind of a humorous one because you are not going to be brushing your t*ts, you are going to be brushing your teeth.

G: Er, yeah, I hope so. I don’t want to know what goes on, otherwise, but...erm...no, I’ve...I haven’t got anything to match that. Mine’s much more boring.

J: Ok.

G: Erm, ‘I have a son with 15 years old.’

J: Yes, I hear this all the time. ‘I have a son who is 15 years old.’

G: Exactly. We must always use the verb ‘to be’ when we’re describing the age, no?

J: Yes. Ok, I have another one that’s a little bit...a little bit humorous.

G: Something even more vulgar than the last one, no?

J: Ah...well, yeah. I wasn’t gonna say that but it is. What would you say to someone that says, ‘I live in a condom’?

G: You live in a condom? Er, yeah, that’s a great one. I...I have heard that before, actually. That’s brilliant. You live in a bubble, in that case, I think.

J: If you live in a condom, yes. Eu moro num (sic) caminisinha.

G: Camisinha, yes.

J: No, I wouldn’t want to live in a camisinha, no.

G: No, especially a used one!

J: No.

G: I’ve heard...I’ve heard São Paulo called some things but calling it a used condom is definitely not what I want to associate with!

J: No. Erm, so, I have another one. No, a common...it’s...it’s common!

G: Ok. It’s not condom?

J: No, it’s not condom. Erm, maybe somebody wants to say something and they want to do comparative language. And they might say something like, ‘in my opinion...’ – Er, I’m not saying this is my opinion...er...Jay, but in the opinion of the student, er – ‘Claudia Leite is not so good as Ivete Sangalo.’

G: Ah, yes.

J: Ok. Now, the particular problem in this one is it’s a comparative language.

G: It is.

J: In comparing things you...you need...er...is ‘not as good as’.

G: Exactly.

J: You need to, kind of, sandwich that...that particular...er...description between ‘as’.

G: That’s true. Very good.

J: Ok. Erm, do you have anything...er...humorous, or common or...

G: Erm, another common one I have. Erm, is ‘how many time you live in Brazil?’ Or a variant of that is – ‘how long time are you in Brazil?’

J: How long are...have you been.

G: Have you been.

J: Yes.

G: There we go. So, in this case, it started in the past, it continued to the present and it is still true. So, we have to use the present perfect.

J: There you go.

G: What else you got? You got anything else amusing?

J: I did, actually you’ve stolen a couple of mine that I had here, so...I had to change.

G: Wow. Well, they are so common. That’s the problem. You hear them so often it...it’s impossible not to have the same.

J: Well, here’s one. Erm, may...this is a mistake that’s related to food. Er, you might have heard somebody say does pão de quiejo exist in English?

G: Ah, ok. I have had that question a lot, actually.

J: Yes, there’s...

G: Surprisingly.

J: And that...that’s quite common. So, in that particular case...erm...there’s a couple of problems with that. First of all, no, we do not have pão de quiejo in English. That...that’s something that is a local food that you cannot translate.

G: And this is something my wife always translates as ‘bread cheese’ actually which, of course, is incorrect cos it is not a type of cheese it is a type of bread but I...I allow her to call it bread cheese cos it’s cute, you know?

J: It....it’s funny. Er, it could either (sic) be ‘cheese bread’ but cheese bread doesn’t really work that well, either, because that’s not something that I’ve ever seen in the supermarket in the United States.

G: No. No, we don’t really have cheese bread, no.

J: We don’t have cheese bread.

G: No.

J: And also, a second problem is they are using ‘exist’. So, instead of saying, er...‘ do you have pão de quiejo’ in English, you say eh...existe existe isso? That...that’s a false cognitive, I’d say.

G: Yeah. That...that...that’s fair. I would say that’s true.

J: So, er, Gee, do you have more example?

G: I got a couple of other things that I often hear. Er, sometimes you hear a...er...someone say to you – ‘I pretend to buy a new car this year.’

J: Ah, I intend.

G: Yes.

J: It’s not something you’re pretending to do. You pretend to be – I don’t know – you could...an actor pretends to be a different person.

G: Exactly.

J: But...er...something wh...where your intentions...that....that...that’s also, I would say...that’s, er...close to a false cognitive, as well.

G: It is a false cognate. There are lots of examples of false cognates, and that is one.

J: Nice. Er, I have one. It’s, well, let me just say it. ‘I will do my master.’

G: Ok.

J: What’s wrong with this, if you want to do your master?

G: Well, do in your master, you’re going to kill him, but, um, yes. Um, well, personally, I would say masters, if we are talking about a degree, so.

J: Yes, masters. Or, let’s say, at least in the United States – I don’t know about England – but if you talk about ‘doing’ somebody, that has, let’s say, a little bit more sexual connotation to it.

G: Hm, yeah.

J: Not doing in.

G: Not so much in the UK, I don’t think, no.

J: Yeah, doing in somebody – that’s killing.

G: Yes.

J: That’s the same in both countries. But doing somebody, that’s, yeah, let’s say...

G: We...we could probably have a whole pod on...um...sexual innuendo-type verbs, and there, yes, there’s lots of material there.

J: Well, maybe we should, by the way.

G: Well, that’s, let’s see. If that’s what people want, then...

J: Ok.

G: Um, what else we got? Another ‘false friend’, as they call them sometimes is – ‘The new job will pay more than my actual one.’

J: Oh. Ok.

G: What’s the problem there?

J: The problem is you’re not earning enough!

G: Yes. Well, I will be earning more.

J: The...the new job will pay more than the old one.

G: Or my current one, even.

J: My current one is probably a little bit better. But, you know, the funny thing is, some...some of these things I’ve heard so often, I’ve almost forgot (sic) that they’re mistakes.

G: I noticed!

J: Some things...some things you just learn to live with. It’s funny.

G: Unfortunately, the...the other thing is, I do find myself occasionally...um...using sort of...um...Portuguese versions of English in my English, you know.

J: Yeah.

G: Um, ano...another common confusion is – if I pass you my phone, vou emprestar para você.

J: Oh, I’ll...I’ll lend you my phone.

G: I’ll lend you. So, I will lend to you and you will do what?

J: So, I...I...so, I will borrow your phone.

G: You’re gonna borrow my phone, right.

J: Yes.

G: And that confuses a lot of people because it’s the same word in Portuguese.

J:  Right, because in Portuguese it’s the same verb. In English we have two different verbs, depending on who is receiving and who is giving.

G: Exactly.

J: And another...another problem associated with that is somebo...sometimes people will say, ‘I...I borrow you’.

G: Yeah, my I borrow. We could say that. May I borrow you for a second?

J: So...so meaning may...may I actually take you and use you for a while.

G: Yes.

J: That...that could actually be related to doing somebody, I suppose but...!

G: Exactly. Could be. Maybe. The mind boggles. Alright, last one. Um, ‘remember me to call my wife later.’

J: Ah, yes, this is a classic. This is a classic. Remind me.

G: Remind me. What’s the difference?

J: Remind requires a third party. It requires somebody else to remind another person.

G: Ok.

J: Whereas remember, that’s something you can...you can do for...to yourself. You remember something. It kind of pops up in your head automatically.

G: So, in this context, remind is about the future, and remember is about the past, isn’t it?

J: In that case, yes. Hadn’t thought of it like that. That’s a good tip.

End of part 2   

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G: So, seeing as we’ve, um, just had a very extended Guru, essentially, we’re not gonna have a Guru formally this week, we’re gonna do something a little bit different.

J: Ok, what’s...what’s your...what’s the...

G: W...well, one thing about languages that’s really tough is humor. Because one thing I learned when I came to Brazil is the last thing I actually understood here was jokes.

J: Do you understand the jokes now?

G: Even now it’s a struggle sometimes! You’d understand everything and then they’d get to the last line and the...then everyone else is laughing. So, I thought, for a bit of fun, we will throw in a few English jokes.

J: Ok.

G: And see if people get them. See if you get them. See if they are funny. I don’t know.

J: Ok. I don’t know. Let’s try it.

G: So, a man goes to see his doctor and he says, “Doc, you need to help me. I’m addicted to Twitter.” And the doc replies – “I’m sorry, I don’t follow you.”

J: That’s good. I like that one. ‘I don’t follow you.’ Yeah. Ok. Follow the guy on Twitter, good.

G: Alright. Here’s another one. A guy goes to his yoga instructor and says...um... “Can you teach me how to do the splits?” And she says, “Well, are you flexible?” And he says, “Well, I can’t do Tuesdays.”

J: Ok, that’s good. That’s good.

G: What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?    

J: The Buddhist to the hotdog vendor?

G: Yes.

J: I have no idea.

G: “Make me one with everything.”

J: Oh, there we go. That’s nice.

G: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

J: Leaving!

G: Oh no!

J: I don’t know. What? What?

G: I don’t know but the flag’s a big plus.

J: I like that.

G: What do you call a pony with a cough?

J: Er...wait a minute, I should...I should know this one. I...I don’t know. No.

G: A little hoarse.

J: A little hoarse. Yeah. I knew...I knew there was something in that but I couldn’t of it. I was, like, eeuuughh! Ok. Good one.

G: Erm, why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the ba...bathroom?

J: Cos he’s extinct? I don’t know.

G: Because the pee is silent.

J: That’s true! That...that...now that...now that’s a very good also pronunciation...er...tip.

G: That’s a linguistic joke, yes.

J: That...that’s a funny one. Ok.

G: What...what did the pirate say when he turned eighty?

J: Er... “har!’...I don’t know. What?

G: Aye-aye matey. [I’m eighty]. Ah, that’s terrible. That’s probably the worst one, actually.

J: Yeah.

G: Anyway, that’s a little selection that I found on the internet, just to try and see if anybody could possibly understand any of those.

J: Ok. Erm...actually that does remind me of some jokes. Hang on. Ok. I...I have a couple of jokes also!

G: Oh wow!

J: I...I...I have...

G: I’m gonna get under the covers. Mine were all clean, notice!

J: No, the...the...these...these are relatively clean but...well, yeah they’re clean. Erm...

G: I’m laughing already.

J: Er...so...er...and these are all, like, ‘what do you call?’ jokes.

G: Alright.

J: I don’t know if you know these?

G: Yeah, yeah, they sound familiar.

J: Ok. So, what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs...er...floating in a tub of water?

G: Buoy!

J: Buoy, or Bob!

G: Or Bob!

J: Good. What do you call – here’s another one – what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs sitting in front of your door? Or laying in front of your door?

G: Laying in front of your door...erm...I don’t know.

J: Matt!

G: Matt! Of course! Yes.

J: So, there was a...there’s a plane flying overhead and then there was a plane crash and three people jump out of the airplane.

G: Before or afterwards?

J: Before, with parachutes.

G: Ah.

J: And they only had enough time to get one particular item that was on that airplane. Right? So, there...there’s an American up there and he’s like – “Oh, I gotta get something.” And so he grabs a...a piece of food.

G: Ok.

J: Right? Beef jerky. And he jumps out of the airplane with his parachute and he’s going down. And then...then there’s also a Brazilian guy, and he...he’s up in the plane and he’s looking around for something and he jumps out and he grabs a bottle of water. And there’s also a Portuguese guy on the plane.

G: Oh dear.

J: And he’s looking around and he...he grabs this car door and jumps out of the airplane with a car door. Ok? So, they all land and they...they...they gather up their parachutes and they...they, kind of, come together to see how they can help each other because they are in the middle of the desert and it’s really, really, really hot. The middle of the Sahara.

G: Wow.

J: So, the American says, “Yeah, I grabbed some food, some beef jerky, here, because if we get hungry, well, we have something to eat.”

G: Good.

J: And the Brazilian guy says, “Well, I...I was thinking the same thing. I brought water. So, if...if...if we need water, we can drink some water.” And the Portuguese guy says, “Well, of course, me too! I was thinking the same thing. If it gets hot, I can just roll down the car window and we can cool off!”

G: Excellent! Very good.     

J: Oh, terrible Portuguese joke. Anyway...

G: Yes.

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J: Ok, so I think that, pretty much...er...wraps up another...another Samba Buzz.

G: That’s the end of episode 20.

J: And that...that’s our mini-anniversary.

G: Our mini-anniversary, yes.

J: Anyway, so...er...if you want to reach out and ...er...write to us, please contact us at...

G: mailbox@thesambabuzz.com  Um, and there’s also a form on our website. You can contact us if you want to give us suggestions or would like to appear on the pod...

J: Yeah.

G: ...and volunteer. Please do.

J: And if that is just too much work, please follow us on Instagram.

G: Yes.

J: Give us some of your input. We always need input from the listeners about what kinds of content or special things that you would like to see and we will make a point to do something to accommodate you.

G: Exactly. And I am going to open my own Instagram account so I can follow myself.

J: You’ve been threatening me with that for several weeks, now.

G: Yes.

J: Ok, so, bye-bye everybody. Happy Hanukkah. Have a nice 2021.

G: Hanukkah? What’s that?

J: Er, I think Hanukkah is a long time ago. I missed that, anyway.

G: Ah, alright. Is it Chinese...? It must be Chinese new year! Happy Chinese New Year!

J: Happy Chinese New Year to you too. Hung far low!

G: See you next time!

J: Bye-bye!

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