Full Transcript - Episode 15
Amazon saviors, gilded specs, calcified penis, budgetry sadness and an update on footballers gone bad.
Plus, singer-songwriter Haikaa talks about being a "3rd culture kid", multiculturism, the challenges of launching new content in a digital age, and her latest projects.
L: Good morning São Paulo!!
J: Good morning São Paulo.
G: She’s even got the boom-boom-boom-boom, in there! I like that. Very good!
J: As you can hear, we have another version of, er...
G: The Samba Buzz!
J: The Samba Buzz. And we have our special guest again, Miss Elle.
L: Miss Elle.
G: Welcome Miss Elle. Well, it’s good to be back in the chair again, I must say. It’s been too many remote episodes where we’ve been in various different locations and, now we’re back!
J: Now we’re back – back in the studio, where we haven’t been in a long time.
G: Studio Y. So, what have we got today? We’ve got a guest again today, haven’t we?
J: We have another guest.
L: Who is it? It’s me – Miss Elle?
G: Yes, we have another little guest.
J: Miss Elle, yes. We have another guest as well.
G: She is a singer-songwriter, no less. She’s, um...
J: Singer-songwriter. Wh- what does that mean? So, she sings and she writes songs?
G: She writes her own songs, and she performs her own songs.
J: She has traveled to the United States, hasn’t she?
G: She has been spending quite a lot of time in The United States – the last ten years, I believe, but we’ll catch up with her and find out, um, what she’s got to say for herself. And, what else? I guess we’re going to have our...our usual spots?
J: We have our usual stuff – The Guru, and What Caught My Eye.
G: Sounds like we’ve got a lot to get through, so we should crack on.
J: So my first story, it comes from the Amazon.
G: The Amazon?
J: The Amazon, yes. As you...as you know, there’s a lot of fires going on there and some of the indigenous people are revolting, a little bit, against this.
G: I’m not surprised!
J: They’re protesting because it...it’s cutting down their...their life-blood.
G: If somebody was burning my home, I would be complaining too.
J: Yes. So...so this one is...is fr...about a specific group of indians. Er...and their campaign is – ‘Cuida da terra’. That’s hashtag #Cuida da terra, if you want to find that one.
J: Yes. They are saying that the...the cure for Capitalism is the environment. This..this lady, she has a specific quote. Célia Xakriabá – I don’t know if I’m actually pronouncing her name properly.
G: That’s easy for you to say, yes.
J: Yes, that’s...that’s...that’s one of the...the indian women, and she says that the...the women are the key to saving the indigenous forests.
G: That’s why it’s called Mother Nature.
J: But she goes a step further and she says that The Amazon is the vagina of the world.
G: Well, it’s certainly been screwed by the rest of the world!
J: Well, you could say that. Certainly screwed by Capitalism. And, so...her...kind of the essence of her argument is that the men are not able to...to live with...er...Capitalism, and that basically, the women have to step up. They have to up their game and if the women do this, then we will be able to save the Amazon and save the forests and save the world, basically.
G: So, what is she proposing, precisely?
J: So...er...one of the things she says is that when...when the forests are burned y...you’re not losing just the forest. You’re losing also all of the animals and the birds, and everything that’s inside of it.
G: This is true.
J: And this is true. And, so, if you lose all your birds and your animals, you’re losing your partners.
G: Hm, this is true too.
J: So...so, they see it much more as a partnership between the indians and the animals and the forest – that’s...that’s one big, enormous partnership, and we’re all co-existing and co-living off of each other.
G: So, her first visit, then, is to...er... Mr Bolsonaro, I guess, to try and convince him?
J: Yes, she’s not really happy with Bolsonaro, and especially all of the burning that’s going in the forests.
G: I see.
J: So, that’s...that’s, anyway, but that’s...that’s my first story.
G: That’s...that’s a good one. What’s her name again?
J: Erm, Shayli...oh my God – now you’ve got me!
G: Ok. That lady – that lady you mentioned at the beginning!
J: Yes, ok.
G: Well, I wish her the best of luck.
J: Yes, oh well. Thank you. And wh...what do you have, Gee?
G: Well, I’m going to give you...um... three stories, and you have to tell me which one is true, cos two of them are false. Two of them have not happened...
G: ...one of them has.
J: Er, go ahead. So...so let’s hear these stories then. What do we have?
G: So, which of the following three stories is true? The first one: A New Jersey antique shop has discovered a love letter written by John F Kennedy to Marilyn Monroe hidden in a musical box that was part of Marilyn’s estate.
J: In New Jersey?
J: Er...do I have to say now or can I say it at the end?
G: Well, you can listen to all three and choose the one that sounds the most plausible, I guess.
G: The second one: Er...Sebastien Loret – the son of Jean-Marie Loret – er...has received an anonymous letter, sent from Gelsenkirchen, in Germany, with proof that his father, Jean-Marie Loret, was in fact, Hitler’s son, making Sebastien Hitler’s grandson.
J: Ooh, that’s...ok, I’m gonna say that’s false.
G: Oh, alright. So, the last one: Er, a pair of gold-rimmed spectacles belonging to Mahatma Gandhi were discovered in an envelope posted in a mailbox at an auction house in Bristol, England.
J: I think that’s true. That sounds the most plausible for me.
G: That sounds the most plausible. That’s the most boring, isn’t it?
J: It’s the most boring!
G: It’s the most boring and that’s why it’s the one that’s true, unfortunately, yes! No, a pair of very gold-rimmed spectacles, they were...just appeared in a letterbox in...um...this auction house. And the story was that the owner – their relative met Gandhi in South Africa in the 1920s and they got handed down, blah-blah-blah. And I’m not quite sure why they were delivered to the auction house but they are expected to fetch $15,000.
J: Well, I think somebody wants...wants to make a profit off of that, I’d say.
J: It’s the main reason you bring things to the auction house.
G: So, that’s....that’s that story. Alright, some updates on...er...some footballers who’ve gone bad. Ronaldinho, as you may recall, was last in a jail in Paraguay, if you remember?
J: Yes. That was a...that was a very successful 5 Minute Buzz as well!
G: And..., well, good, I’m glad you’ve made us popular! Um, so finally, after five months, of...um...spending time in a hotel, because he wasn’t actually in jail all this time.
G: He’s been in a hotel. He is finally going to get his court hearing. Probably on the...August the twenty-firth...fourth, sorry...um...at the public ministry. Um, he was bailed at $1.6 million. They think he’s probably going to get released with a conditional suspension and allowed to return to Brazil if he pays around a $200,000 fine. So...
J: But does he even have that money? Because I think one of the things that we found out was that he... Ev...all of his properties were, let’s say, seized by the authorities and he didn’t have a whole lot of...of goods left.
G: That’s true. So, I don’t know which house he’s going to return to. Maybe it’s going to be his mum’s? I don’t know but...
J: It could be.
J: On the couch.
G: ...um, I think his own 60 houses have all been confiscated haven’t they?
J: Yes, they have.
G: So, there is hope. After five months in Paraguay, in a...in a hotel, he has actually got a hope of returning back to Brazil. So, that’s him. And the...er...other footballers gone bad were the...er...the two that did...did the robbery, if you remember?
J: Oh, the American footballers you were talking about?
G: The American footballers. So, they...the latest news on those guys...um...actually I’ve got their names here somewhere. What are their names? One of them is Deandre Baker. Rumor has it that he is going to be charged with four counts of robbery with a firearm. This charge carries a mandatory minimum of ten years in jail.
J: Wow. Ten?
G: Ten years in jail. The maximum is up to life. He could go to jail for up to life for robbing those guys at that party.
J: He...the guy had his whole future out in front of him and he goes and throws it away for some stupid robbery that nobody understands.
G: It’s incredible. And the guy who was with him, was a guy who plays for the Browns, actually. I guy called...
J: Oh, that makes sense because the Browns have been losing for years, and so...the...
G: A guy called Quinton Dunbar. You may even have heard of him.
J: I’ve actually heard of that guy.
G: Actually, he doesn’t play for the Browns, he plays for the Seahawks. My mistake.
J: Er, ok.
G: Erm, but apparently he’s not been charged, because they have insufficient evidence. So, why they have evidence on one guy and not the other, I don’t know. So...um...yes. So, one of the...one of our two footballers who went bad is looking to come out of jail and the other one looks like he might be going in.
G: But I’ll keep you informed.
G: Anyhow, what else do you have for us, this week?
J: Well, I...I’ve got one more story coming up. My second story, this comes to...comes to us all the way from New York. It seems that a sixty-four-year-old male... He fell down in the street and had a lot of knee pain, and was treated for knee pain in hospital. But that wasn’t the source...
G: How...how do you treat knee pain, out of curiosity?
J: Well, I don’t know. He fell down in the street and maybe they’re...they were going to give him some pills, or something. I don’t know. Anyway, that wasn’t what he was actually treated for. Well, I don’t know if you actually can treat this, but... For those of us that aren’t really linked to all of the...the giria and the sayings that we have in English – one of the words that we use for the...the male organ is a ‘cock’.
J: And it sounds like that th...there’s actually a medical condition that basically comes to ‘rock-cock’.
J: So, I...I...I had no idea this even existed, but that was...
G: I’ve heard of ‘rock cod’ – that’s something we eat. But ‘rock-cock’ I’m not sure I fancy very much.
J: No, no it does...it doesn’t sound healthy. Anyhow, basically, it was calcifying and turning into bone.
G: Wow. My god!
J: I did...I didn’t know it was possible, but yeah.
G: That...that sounds terrible!
J: It does! It...th...th...they say it’s extremely painful. Er, it...it...it actually shortens your organ over time.
G: So why’s...why does it give you pain in the knee?
J: I don’t know. I don’t know how...how, in God’s name, he can get pain in the knee from a rock cock but that...that’s...
G: There....there must be a technical name for this?
J: Well, there is, actually. It’s called...er...the...the medical name is Peyronie’s disease.
J: Peyronie’s disease.
G: Like ‘a pair-of-knees’?
J: Yes, like a pair of knees. So, I...I don’t know...
G: That’s where the knee comes in!
J: Yes. Th...they say it...it...it results from fibrous scar tissue that develops on the penis and causes curved, painful erections. It doesn’t matter, basically, of your...your, let’s say, your build. It can effect all men and it just gets worse with time.
G: And what causes it? Not that I’m worried, or anything, but it...it’s got my attention, at least.
J: Well, now, that you mention, maybe you should be worried? No, I don’t know.
G: Well, I have to admit that rock cock has it’s uses, I guess but, you know – in certain circumstances.
J: Yes, but it’s not pleasant. Yes, it’s just not pleasant. They...they say that one of the main characteristics is that you...er...you have pain. There may be some other kind of deformity. So, I don’t... Everybody has to speak for themselves, so if you have something deformed... They describe it here. Er...I’m looking at the Mayo Clinic, which is in the United States, and they say: “In some men with Peyronie’s disease the...the...the male member might have a narrowing indentations (sic) or even an hourglass-like appearance.”
J: So, if it looks like an hourglass then, I guess, that might be one of the symptoms. Or it might be extremely curved to one side or the other.
G: Like a banana!
J: Like a...like a banana, but then like a ninety-degree banana.
G: Yes. Let’s not get back onto bananas. So, you got a forest vagina and you got a rock cock.
J: Yes, I...
J: I...I swear...I...I honestly did not try to find these two things. This is just what...how it happened. This is just how it came out there. But...but, anyway, that’s....that’s my second story. Wh...what else do you have for us because I’m very curious what you have.
G: Well, I got something very mundane, actually, cos, um, after all that excitement. Um, the Instituto Millenium announced yesterday that Brazil spends 13.7% of its GDP on public servants – some R$930 billion.
G: Nearly 14%.
J: Of GDP?
G: Just goes on paying government employees, basically.
J: That’s...that’s a lot of money.
G: Which is twice as much as is spent on Education, and 3.5 times as much as is spent on Health. So, now you know why health and education are not doing so well here, because we’re basically paying for a bloated government.
J: Right, and it...it pays to...to be a civil servant, basically...
G: Of course, because you get all the pension. You get, you know, if your father dies and then you get his pension and all sorts of things go on, so...
J: My goodness.
G: And it says, that actually...er...100 million people in Brazil have no access to basic sanitation and yet...what percentage do you think we spend, of GDP, on sanitation here?
J: Oh, on sanitation?
G: Basic sanitation.
J: So water...water and stuff like this?
G: Well, sewage, mostly, yes.
J: Ok. Sewage. So it’s...
G: 100 million people, out of...half the population don’t have basic sanitation here.
J: Esgoto, you’re talking about?
G: Esgoto, yes. How much do you think we spend of GDP?
G: It’s 0.2% gets spent on basic sanitation and yet we spend a whopping 14%, nearly, on bureaucrats – civil servants and bloated government departments. So, I mention it because I think something should be done.
J: Ok. I...I agree. We...we need to do something. Let...let...let’s contact those...those...the women in the Amazon and we’ll band together and form some kind of...I don’t know...I don’t know what.
G: So, something else to tackle, I think. So, we’re putting the world to right, today. We’re going to get it sorted. But women are the answer.
J: Women in Amazon, and women in government.
G: And maybe more men with rock cock?
J: Hip-hip hooray!
G: My god, I’m turning into a woman’s-libber!
J: You are looking a little bit feminist today.
G: Yes, I... time to move on. What have we got next? Time for the next section!
J: Alright. Here we go!
End of Part 1