The Beery Exec
Full Transcript - Episode 14
Alien invaders, another record breaker, coronavirus boate protocol and when not to put your finger in the pie...
Plus global IT executive, Ana Rizzo talks about what it's like to be a female at the top of a leading multinational.
J: Good morning São Paulo!!
G: Good afternoon São Paulo! Hello, and welcome to yet another edition of The Samba Buzz!
J: The Samba Buzz, São Paulo, Corona 3!
G: Still in the lockdown of Coronavirus, here in our bunkers in São Paulo.
J: Yes, we’re still in the grips of this nasty pandemic.
G: So, how are you holding up, Jay?
J: I’m ok. I’ve returned to São Paulo. I was out in the countryside for a few weeks.
G: Ah, very nice. Where did you go?
J: I went to Boituva. I saw a couple of parachuters, not very many but a couple. But the nicest thing is that you’re out in the countryside and you get fresh air and you can walk around. No masks. You can ride bicycle, go to the lake and see the fish. There was just lots of...lots of nice things in the interior to do.
G: I bet special agent Elle must have loved that, actually.
J: Oh, she did. She really loved it.
G: So, what have we got today?
J: Well, we have...er...some special things on the pod. Of course, we’ve got the...the normal things that we always do. We’ve got some stories – What Caught My Eye this week. We have Ana Rizzo. She’s going to be talking to us about her work and at ABI – that’s Ambev, for those of you, so the beer company. That’s a...that’s...
G: Can she...can she bring some beer? Is that possible?
J: I’ll ask her. I dunno.
G: I think...I think it’s only fair we try her samples.
J: We have a little bit of grammar Guru.
G: Ok. Sounds good.
J: It’s nice to imagine freedom again. We don’t have any freedom anymore!
G: Exactly, the days when we didn’t have to wear a mask every time we stepped out the front door.
J: Ok, so let’s get on with it. Let’s get on with some ‘What Caught My Eye’.
G: Let’s do it. Let’s do some ‘What Caught My Eye’.
J: (er, ok...) I have some stories about Russian cooks and restaurant owners that are...er...protesting the Coronavirus by posting naked photos on social media. I guess that Putin closed down Russia, especially in Moscow and...er...the restaurant owners there are protesting that...that lockdown by posting naked photos because they think that everything’s been stripped from them, so they are going to strip as well!
G: So, this is a load of naked photos of hairy old chefs, is it – that decided to bare all?
J: Yeah, it’s actually not even worth mentioning but I...I thought I...I’d just bring it out there. There’s another story. This is also one of those silly stories. It’s a stupid American story. There was this girl. She’d just become engaged...
J: ...and she was on one of those fast trains and they were just zipping down the...the road and suddenly these...these two nefarious characters kind of appeared next to her.
G: You don’t want nefarious characters, do you? That’s never good.
J: No. They obviously wanted to steal all of their money. The only thing she could do was to swallow her ring. And then she woke up, and it turns out that her ring was gone and she really did swallow her ring.
G: She swallowed her ring in her sleep?
J: She had to go to the...the doctor and get an operation on...
G: Where was this? This was Russia too? No, where was this?
J: No, this was a stupid American story. But that’s also not really what I wanted to focus on. The story that...
G: Ok. So...so far, we got naked Russian chefs and we got a lady who swallowed her ring. Ok. Good.
G: Carry on.
J: That’s not really what I really wanted to focus on today. What I thought was, like, really, really important is I have some information here from the...the US Department of Defense. The person that’s in charge to...er...investigated unidentified aerial threats for the office of Secretary of Defense. Ok?
G: This is UFO’s, I guess?
J: Exactly. And he confirms...he confirms that UFOs exist.
J: So, what those people were saying before. Do you remember all those stories before about people that were abducted...and...and they had strange encounters with aliens and what-not? It appears that that actually might be true – according to this official, Luis Elizondo.
G: Well, there’s been some theories for a while now, that they are trying to prepare the world for the reality of the existence of UFOs, and that they are trying to drip-feed us slowly with evidence, so that we get used to the idea rather than having the big shock of seeing one on television, or seeing one land out the sky. And, um, there’s been quite a lot of instances recently of...um...footage of UFOs.
J: Yes, yes.
G: I don’t know if you saw the ones that were released by the US department of defense recently?
J: He was responsible for releasing those things to The Press! That was the guy...he was the one who ordered the release of it.
J: Because, exactly what you said. They...they....it seems that they gradually want to...er...let, let the public (in) on the fact that we’re not alone in this universe.
G: Well, I do hope we get to see these guys in our own life-time. It...it would be a terrible shame if...if they appeared after we were gone.
J: That was my news for the week. Er, what else do you have, Gee? What...what caught your eye?
G: Well, actually...um...it’s one of your compatriots, once again. You may remember in the last pod, we had...er...a couple of record holders. We had the Brazilian skateboarder...
G: ...and, um, Gooey, yes we had Gooey! The lady who caught my eye this week was a lady called Jessi Combs. Have you ever heard of Jessi Combs?
J: No, I don’t know Jessi Combs.
G: Well, she has been a TV presenter and a professional racing driver.
G: And she held...has held a number of...um...land speed records for...in a car.
J: So, the fastest woman on the road!
G: Exactly. And recently, The Guinness Book of Records announced that she had broken the land spped record for a woman in a car, with a speed of 522 miles-per-hour.
J: That’s pretty fast.
G: And she now holds The Guinness Book of Records for the fastest woman in a car.
G: So, why is this interesting? Well, the interesting thing is that sh...she died in the attempt.
J: She died?
G: She died in the attempt. And my thinking is, well, surely to be in the Guinness Book of Records you actually have to walk away at the end of it, don’t you?
J: I would think so. You have to have a successful attempt. This...I would say this is unsuccessful.
G: Otherwise, anybody who wants to commit suicide could...um...you know, just crank it up to whatever speed anything can do...a rocket will do and, you know, officially you’re going to get the record, aren’t you?
J: Do what you must, I guess.
G: So, obviously, she wasn’t...d...didn’t intend to die. Unfortunately, her...her car hit a rock and the wheel broke, and that, unfortunately was the end of her.
J: 522 miles an hour – you...you’re history.
G: Well, she was actually doing 550 at the time of the accident, apparently, so...er...
J: My goodness!
G: But anyhow, I...I guess, you know, in recognition of her attempts, and the fact that she’s a good egg, and they want to acknowledge the fact that she did actually beat the record – even though it killed her in the attempt, um, they have awarded her, officially, the Guinness World Record for land by a woman.
G: Puts a whole new perspective on other world records, doesn’t it? Really, because, you know, who...you could break any world record and you don’t have to live at the end of it. So, what else, um, have you seen this week, Jay?
J: Well I...the other story that I wanted to focus on is...comes all the way from Japan. So, of course, this Covid crisis is going all around the world and is affecting all different kinds of businesses. And one of the businesses that...that it’s also affecting is it’s affecting the brothels in Tokyo in kind of a negative way.
G: Ok. Well, I think most...most brothels around the world have been impacted in a negative way, probably.
J: For...for people in that kind of work it...it’s probably the worst thing that can happen, really, because all the...all the clients are disappearing. Anyway, in Tokyo, the mayor there has threatened to shut...shut down all night clubs unless they start adhering on strict...er...Covid protocols. One of the things is that they have to give Q&A sessions, so question and answer sessions...er...via video to all potential customers. The...
J: Yeah, so they need to inform the people...the gentlemen before they go into the night clubs....before they go into the brothels....before they go into the...er...what do you say – puteiros – that this is what is going to happen here. This is what you need to do...this is the protocol...da-ta-da-ta-da. And, one of the things is they have to watch a video session wherein all kinds of questions are answered: ‘What are medical costs like? How often should we sanitize our hands?’ Now, I think if you go to a brothel, you might not necessarily need to sanitize just your hand... – those were some of the questions that were asked. In addition...
J: Now I have...I don’t know if this happens in São Paulo because I...I just don’t know, here in São Paulo!
G: Well, if you know, you’re not telling!
J: Before you go into a brothel in Tokyo they check your temperature, so they do a temperature check. The seating arrangements, you have to have more space between, er, the customers, so, you know, a lap dance or a pole dance there, there’s going to be a little bit further distance than you might be used to.
G: You need a very big lap! Everybody needs to be basketball players!
J: You know they say...they say it’s a very high risk for the majority of the customers and they have a profile of the customers they are targeting. They say people...the majority of those infected by their brothels are in their twenties or their thirties and they have almost no symptoms. So they are asymptomatic, they go to the brothels and they pass it on. So that’s why they, you know...they’re...they’re trying to target those kinds of...er...businesses.
G: Excellent. Well, I’m glad they’re so enterprising.
G: I have no idea what the arrangements are here. I...I have actually been to a bar, I can say, in São Paulo, and it was extremely well organized.
G: We sat down. We had at least 3 minutes...3 meters, I should say, distance between us. The waiters came. They were wearing a professional mask – the top quality ones – and a full face visor, like a welder or somebody, and they were wearing gloves, and it was all very, very well controlled.
G: And I felt very safe there. How you could do all that in a brothel I don’t know though! If they...if they were dressed like that in a brothel, I think it might lose some of its allure.
J: Well, I think the whole idea about a brothel is you...you don’t have much protection on. Right? That’s...that’s what’s attractive about it, right?
G: If...if the young lady comes in a face mask and a...and a metal-worker’s visor, it’s probably not going to be much of a turn on, really.
J: No, I don’t think she’s going to earn a lot of money like that but - who knows? Anyway, that was my other story that I...that I thought was interesting. Wh...what else do you have for us?
G: Well, I have been searching the Brazilian news, actually. And, obviously, most of it is either about politics or it’s about the Coronavirus and the number of people who are sick and dying, which is kind of depressing. And then I came across a story, erm, a very recent story from last Saturday, in the north of São Paulo. And it’s about a family who decided they fancied Arabian food. So they ordered some esfihas and things like that. And the food was delivered, and one of the family, he’s enjoying his es...esfiha – a 14 year-old boy – and he feels something in his mouth that’s a bit strange.
J: And it was a finger!
G: And it was half a finger, actually.
J: Oh, seriously? Oh my God.
G: It was actually half of a finger, yes, in his mouth, and...
J: Oh, my...God...
G: ...he was not, not very happy about this. And apparently the poor chef who lost his finger, er, had only just started back at work. He’s a 55 year-old chap, and...um...he was quite distraught to lose half of his finger, so...um...he was cutting calabresa at the time, apparently. And I...I...I just can’t figure out how – having lost his finger – the process managed to continue all the way into the esfiha, all the way into the delivery bag and all the way to the poor young boy’s mouth. I mean it seems...
J: I...I don’t know...
G: ...seems incomprehensible to me, actually.
J: I don’t know but I...I tell you there’s one Arabian restaurant that I’m never gonna go to and that’s the one!
G: In other news, of course...um...you’ll be delighted to know our dear friend, Tom Moore, has been knighted by The Queen.
J: Tom? Oh, wow!
G: Tom. He...he’s now...he’s now Sir Tom to you.
J: That...that comes...that’s a...actually kind of a good situation for The Queen because, er, Prince Andrew is involved in this whole royal scandal, so he’s like...
G: Ah, yes.
J: ...I don’t know if he’s been demoted from being a prince but maybe he’ll...Tom will be elevated to...er...a different level?
G: Elevated to The Queen’s son?
J: I...yeah, I don’t know. Son-to-be because the other one was...er... such a disgrace. My goodness.
G: So, the prince...the prince gets relegated to the old people’s home and the hundred-year-old Sir gets promoted to 5th in line to the throne, or whatever, yes?
J: Well, I think he’d probably do a better job of representing the royal family in...in matters...certain matters...the...than Prince Andrew, at this moment.
G: Um, so, that’s...that’s, um...that’s my gruesome story. So, I’ve got a death and a finger chewing, so it’s a bit...it’s not even Halloween, either.
End of Part 1